Quem sou eu ? / Who am I?.

Me nome é Keith, e sou de Dublin, a Irlanda. And that’s all you’re getting in Portuguese. For you Brazilians that are reading this and do not know me, my name is probably quite difficult for you, because the “th” doesn’t exist for you guys, well its not “kiss”, and its not “kit”, the fuckn “fantastic car” from the “hit” TV show “Knightrider” ..The car that spoke and turbo boosted over shit..remember?. I can’t help you pronounce this one, you need to hear it to be able to pronounce it correctly, try this, if you are interested.


Its funny when I say my name here, people are like “que?”, I have to spell it out for them, and then they say “ah…. Kay-chi”, which sounds like a girls name…so Im not having of that, thank you very much.  So I have given myself a new name…Kief, it’s the nearest thing to my name, and keeps them happy, and I kind of like it you know, I get a lot of yardish out of it.

I really could write more in Portuguese, but I´m a beginner and it would be crap!, and anyways, it would take so long to do this, that I just can’t. Yes, yes, yes, I do have this romantic vision in my head of writing the blog in perfect beautiful, elegant,  Portuguese, but if I’m really honest with myself and you guys, its just not going to fuckn happen, I really would like to say in a few years when I’m famous and I’m sitting there being Interviewed by Parkinson or Oprah:

“ya ya, I know, its funny ya, but yes, every word I wrote was in Portuguese ya, and written by myself, my girlfriend, who is my wife now ya, constantly asked me if I needed help, but I refused very time, it was funny ya, I sat there with dictionaries everywhere, at the start it took me fuckn ages just to write just a few lines, but after a while and with incredible resilience and talent, I got there in the end, and look at me know, 11 successful published books later, and 2 nobel prizes…who would have guessed?!”

In your dreams, Yeah like ‘that’.. is going to happen, well the truth of the matter is, I really do want to write in Portuguese because apart from the obvious advantages, I live in Brazil, and I want my Brazilian friends to read my blog and enjoy it. So I think as it improves, I will eventually write in Portuguese, and I speak a bit of Spanish, and I would like to be able to mix the languages for some fun ya know, but for the moment and to kick start my blog, I will continue in English…if you don’t fuckn mind.

Anyways, who the feck am I (“feck”: polite form of the word “Fuck” in Ireland…and only in Ireland…but ye feckers can use it if you want). Im an Irishman living in Belo Horizonte, which is the capital of the very beautiful state of Minas Gerais (which means “General Mines”….”Gernerl” ?, you could ask yourself, but the Brazilians don’t like to be specific you understand…like to keep us folk on our toes). And on their good flag it displays the word:


….(and then what seems like “small words” after it)…


and Im not feckn joking, in latin it’s;

“Libertas…Quae Sera Tamen”,

Have a look for yourself. I laughed my feckn head off when my girlfriend told me this, “How Brazilian”. You see, Im all up for having a bit of “craic” (Irish slang word meaning : a fun time) and all that, and not taking life so seriously….(well I appreciate people who can, I fuckn cant do it, even though I would probably tell you different), but imagine, putting something like that on your flag, like ok, put it on the back window of your car, t-shirt, pyjamas, a babies nappy, but jaysus, It’s a bit…casual no?, you can imagine designing the flag sitting all those years ago, taking a quick break from a game of football, having a big joint and writing it no?, don’t get me wrong, I fuckn love it, Im thinking of writing to the Irish government and asking them to adapt the same type attitude, although in reference to the English, I really don’t think it would be as casual,  but maybe with some sort of politeness, it would end up with;

“Freedom…about time…English Feckers”.

My girlfriend is from Bh (as they say here), and we met in Beautiful Barcelona, the long story short is that, although living in a beautiful city and having amazing friends  (seriously), we both were unhappy (I will fill in the blank spaces later on regarding Barcelona). So we decided lets blow this town and let’s go to Brazil, where all the happy people live. My girlfriend, (well actually she is now my fiancée I suppose, as we recently went to the Cartorio and put a date on getting married which is in December)  arrived here back here in February, and I came 3 months ago. I’m a teacher, I would like to think that Im a good teacher, but again Im a dreamer, just like the Parkinson and Oprah thing.

Im writing this blog, because it my fiancée’s idea. If you don’t know any Irish people, we talk an awful amount of shite (Irish slang word for “shit”, just so it sounds different from the English…its a great word, but it needs to be said emphatically and with your eyes closed, to show that you really feckn mean it!, if you put it together with the other word I metioned earlier “feck” you can say…”feckn shite”…which is just pure…James Joyce really)

…and by the way, not only do we talk an awful amount of shite, we tend to go off in tangents…as you may have noticed…So where was I? Ah yeah…there!, why am I writing this blog, its because I love people, and I love observing people, and I cant help the thoughts that go through my head, and my fiancée, Im going to call her…mmmm, Vanessa, but that’s not her name, ok?..So “Vanessa” unfortunately at the end of every day, has to listen to my daily experiences of my new home that is BH, MG, and Brazil. So in order to give her poor ears a break, I have decided to leave her alone and put all my thoughts down on paper.

I have travelled a bit, Australia & New Zealand (twice…coz “its worth it”), Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, some countries in Europe, but not nearly enough, and as I have already mentioned, I was living in Barcelona for 5 years, it is here where I have come from, but trust me, even with all my travelling, and even though I would love to be able to say as Christopher Lambert did in Highlander when asked

“Where are you from?”

…and he answers:

“Lots of different places”,

(Fuckn savage line isn’t it? I’ve actually used that as a chat up girls after seeing that…ha ha..With a zero percent score rate), Im very Irish and very proud of it, the best band in the world are U2 and the best alcoholic drink in the world is a Guinness…although the best girls are Brazilians…I think even you girls (queer or not) may admit that.

So here am I with my thoughts laid out on paper about living in Brazil. I hope you enjoy it, and please, please, please, never take me too seriously, you may become offended and stop reading, us Irish we like to joke, and slag, and make fun of people but its all done in the best possible taste…coz life would be too serious otherwise and its hard enough as is as you already know.

3 Responses to “Quem sou eu ? / Who am I?.”
  1. Bruno says:

    Li tudo, Kífi! Muito bom, você escreve bem. “I feel like a prostitute in a science fiction movie” was brilliant, ha ha ha.

    Have RSS’d you, looking forward to the next posts.

  2. Marc Oughton says:

    Christopher Lambert did in Highlander when asked
    “Where are you from?”
    …and he answers:
    “Lots of different places”,
    I must admit I like it, but my favorite is
    “It’s better to burn out then fade away”
    Loving your blog so far, will keep on reading.
    Your blog was sent to me through Fananda Cage , if you see her send her my love, and yes the best girls are Brazilians…I think you have hit the nail on the head. But I married an English girl and they just love s”””x all the time, so I will stick with that just for a while.

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